Avoiding the Friendship Fizzle

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Posted on Thursday, January 5, 2012 · 3 Comments 

While we were in San Francisco for Christmas, the topic of friendships came up. My sister told me that she talks to 3-4 of her friends at least once a week on the phone and 1-2 friends daily.

I immediately felt a little panicked. I only talk to my closest friends about once every month… if that. Does that mean my friendships aren’t as strong as my sisters? Did moving cause me to lose touch with my closest friends?

I’ve always valued my friendships very highly. Even in fourth grade I vehemently defended a “friend” to my parents when they said the girl wasn’t the nicest to me (she made fun of my clothes almost every day at school). For whatever reason I’ve always had this fierce loyalty to anyone I let into my inner circle.

I tend to keep my close friends to a small group. The whole “best friend” notion over a gaggle of girlfriends, I guess. I like to think I do whatever I can to support these best friends and make it a priority to be there for them. But I sometimes wonder if I do enough?

And even worse I catch myself wondering … do they hold our friendship in the same esteem I do?

Luke thinks I’m a little wacky for having these thoughts. In his world – you talk to friends when you do and when you don’t no one cares.

I sort of think this stress I put myself under in regard to friendships is part of the stress all women put on themselves to keep up every facet of life to pristine condition. Excellent career, excellent home, excellent marriage and yes, excellent friendships.

But I also know that I LOVE my friends. They mean so much to who I am. They know me inside and out. Some of my most fun times have been spent with them. And if I lost them from my life, I’d be so sad.

So I guess what I need to figure out (will you help?) is how to keep friendships strong when you’re living far away? Is there any standard for calling, writing etc that I should try to follow?

 

Categories: Liz's Life · Tags: ,

  • WalterEnlow

    Liz, I’m not sure that it’s any different for you ladies, but I suspect it’s essentially the same. One thing I know is that I’ve been friends with Luke’s dad for over 45 years now (I didn’t just put that number in print, did I?), and we’ve lived in different states for a long time.  I very seldom see him, we don’t write very often, and I miss being around him, but he’s still one of my best friends on the planet. If a friendship is real and has a solid basis, it can be lasting. It’s always better when you can stay in touch, though – friends like that enrich your life.

  • Lynn Hilao

    I think it happens to a lot of people, not just you.  I’m guilty of that myself.  There are maybe 2 friends I have to talk to at least once a week, but other than that, it’s sometimes impossible to keep up with everyone’s lives – we are all busy.  I think with the advent of Facebook and other social media sites, it’s a lot easier to keep up with your friends’ lives without saying a word….you can still be a friend even without talking to someone consistently.  I cherish those moments that I get the opportunity to catch up with my friends – it makes that times even more special.  

  • http://www.beyondmyfrontdoor.com/ Anwar

    Well friendship is like a lot of things.  They do require maintenance.  However the longer and stronger the friendship is the less “regular” maintenance it might require perhaps.  Facebook, and other social networks help with that some in that you have a way to find people when you want to get in touch, the difficulty is when you use that in place of regular more personal interaction with those friends.