The Return of Man’s Man (2.0)

A couple weeks ago Luke went on an all-boys trip to Colorado to climb Challenger and Kit Carson peaks. When he got home, he was like a kid on Christmas telling me about everything they did.

They camped outside under the starts, hung food up in trees to keep it from attracting bears, drank lake water, carried 50 pound packs on their backs for miles at a time, ate wild raspberries and even dug toilet “holes.”

I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you the activities on this trip are probably my worst nightmare, but there’s something oddly attractive knowing that my man is rugged, adventurous and well, MANLY.

All around me I’ve been noticing a shift away from the effeminate “metrosexual” male who gos tanning, has a “stylist” and can’t use a power tool. The new man, seems to be heading towards a more traditional guy’s guy.

Just look at who GQ named their International Man of the Year and who Esquire dubbed the “Last Alpha Male”

John Hamm, aka every man’s idol, the uber-masculine Don Draper in Mad Men.

While I am certainly NOT a woman who thinks her man needs to”take care” of her, it’s still appealing to see Luke do things like insist on carrying my 50 lbs luggage or chop wood outside (true story).

I like this shift….with some caveats.

When describing an attractive man’s man, I certainly don’t mean to give kudos to the guys who don’t shower regularly, belch and fart in public or use the words “dude,” “brah,” or “This one time at the frat house…” on a regular basis.

The guy I’m advocating is the one who knows how to dress sharply, treat his lady well, live in a nice place AND talk sports, complete 20 push ups and maybe even summit a mountain.

What about you ladies? What “manly” thing do you love most about your guy?

Setting Boundaries

Last night I grabbed some dinner with a couple friends and we got onto the topic of setting boundaries in relationships.

One of my friends is in a new long-distance relationship that’s going fabulously. They’ve been taking turns visiting each other and the time spent has been wonderful.

The guy is moving to Chicago soon and while she’s elated to have him so close,  she’s worried about how their relationship will change once they can see each other whenever they want. She doesn’t want to become one of “those” girls.

You know how it goes…girl has a full life with hobbies and friends….girl meets guy….girl falls in love with guy….guy takes over girls entire life….girl ignores her friends and stops doing things she once loved….guy dumps girl because she’s too needy.

It’s a sad cycle that I’ve seen happen to too many great girls! I applaud my friend for realizing that she doesn’t want her relationship to take a turn towards constant-togetherness.

When Luke and I were dating we made a concerted effort to support each other’s separate interests. On average, we’d see each other 3-4 times per week, which seems like a lot when I type it, but is pretty average/ low compared to other relationships I’ve been around.

We would rotate seeing our friends separately and together- making sure that when we were “together” we weren’t making our friends uncomfortable with excessive PDA. We also kept doing the things we loved, like play volleyball or rock climb, before we become a couple.

I know, I know….good for you Liz! The point, I tell my girlfriends,  is that the reason these guys are attracted to you in the first place is because you’re interesting, have tons of friends and have built a full, complete life on your own.

When he sees that you start losing that independence, ignoring your friends, avoiding things that make you YOU, then he feels overly depended-upon and ultimately annoyed that your happiness is so wrapped up in him.

I think when it comes to a new relationship, although it can be tempting to spend every moment together, you’re better off setting some boundaries. It will help make the moments you have together even more special!

What do you think? How often do you guys see your significant other? What interests have you kept up outside your relationship? Do you think I’m full of it and it’s completely ok to spend 24/7 with your love?

Lonely Party of One

Being married to a traveling man isn’t always fun. This week Luke is in San Francisco working on a project that will likely keep him on the road for several weeks. It’s the first time we’ve been apart since getting married, and I don’t like it one bit!

I joke that Luke tricked me into falling for him. See, the first year we were together he didn’t travel once. I thought I had a great guy who would always be around whenever I wanted to hang out.

That was until he smacked me with the news that he was put on a job in….TEL AVIV, ISRAEL and would be gone for two months straight. Waaaaa??? Say it isn’t so!

I was really worried about what would happen to our relationship while he was gone, but it ended up being a good thing because it forced us to evaluate how we felt about each other and talk about how committed we wanted to be to our relationship.

Luckily we both felt the same way and decided to stay together while he was gone. Right before he left, we said “I love you” for the first time.

While it can be hard when Luke is gone traveling for work, it’s helped me become independent and more sociable with friends. I know how important it is for me to maintain interests and hobbies to keep me busy and happy while he’s away.

I think maintaining a full life with friends and activities, some of which we share and some we do alone, is what makes us both happy and ultimately attracted to each other. I think our friends appreciate that we’re not tied to each other all the time too. Sometimes you just need to hang with the girls!

Of course, when he walks in the door on Friday I’ll have a weeks worth of hugs saved up for him. :)

How do you guys maintain your independence in relationships?

Erin and Brian’s Chicago Wedding

This year’s wedding season came and went for us rather quickly. We had three weddings from March-June and now, sadly, they’re over! I really love going to weddings, but I will also enjoy not having to travel this summer.

The two most recent wedding I attended were here in Chicago for two of my girlfriends. First was Erin’s. Erin is a college friend of mine who also happens to work with Luke…she even introduced us at her birthday party three years ago!

Erin made a gorgeous, elegant and very classic bride. Her reception followed suit too! It was held at the Union League Social Club, which really embodies old-world Chicago with the dark wood, chandeliers and amazing artwork.

They had a live band that got everyone dancing…

Luke and I loved the slow songs…

My favorite part of Erin’s reception was when her father-in-law took the stage to play some traditional Irish music. Brian, Erin’s husband, and his family took center-stage to show off their Irish step dancing skills.

Everything about Erin’s wedding was gorgeous, classy and fun! – just like Erin herself :)

I must say, one special moment of the evening for me was when Erin’s mom stopped me (we’ve never met) to tell me she is a abattylife reader! That was pretty cool.

Mrs. Fitzgerald and Erin…you put on an amazing wedding! Thanks for inviting us.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a recap of the other wedding I attended recently- black tie and the Four Seasons, ooh lala!