Our sweet boys turn one year old today! It’s hard to believe just a year ago they came into the world as teeny preemies born six weeks early. I made this video looking back on their first year.
I’ll never forget their birth story. It was the most physically difficult day of my life, but the most joyous emotionally. After miscarriage, infertility and a hard pregnancy, my boys were here and healthy! The first time I held them it felt like after almost three years I could finally exhale.
Tomorrow my two best friends are hosting a small baby “sprinkle” to celebrate our twin boys. It feels so amazing to be at this point, with a healthy pregnancy, two babies on the way and my closest friends & family nearby.
A year ago I honestly wasn’t sure we’d ever get to this point again. That was dark time for me personally. One that was consumed with worry, anxiety, sadness and fear. It was around this time last year that I realized I was quite literally obsessed with my fertility or lack there of. It was all I thought about, talked about and even dreamed about. And it was draining.
I knew I had to do something to break out of my own head!
New Years Eve has always been a day where I think back on the year I just lived – usually with a lot of happy memories. Today feels a little different. This past year has been a doozy for me. The physical and emotional pain I felt as I experienced infertility made this honestly the hardest year of my life thus far.
They said what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger, and this year is the perfect example of that for me. Although I was brought to my knees several times, I also was stretched and grew by leaps and bounds in many areas of my life. In my experience, tough times have a way of helping you learn about yourself and life in a way happy times just cannot.
With that in mind, here are five things 2015 taught me:
I’ve been really hoping I would be able to share with you guys good news this summer regarding my fertility struggles, but it still just hasn’t happened for us. We thought that the surgery I had in April was the answer to our problems, but it’s been five cycles since surgery with no luck.
I told myself that I was going to enjoy the summer and try not to think about getting pregnant too much, but in all honesty I have not done a very good job with that. It’s literally impossible for me to stop thinking about how badly I want another baby and the cloud of infertility is weighing heavier than ever.
Our official diagnosis is “unexplained secondary infertility” AKA “we have no clue why you can’t get pregnant again.” Read More