Tough Time

Sorry I’ve been missing here lately. We’ve been going through a tough few weeks. I really try to keep my perspective here on my blog positive and uplifting, so when I’m struggling, I find I end up just being silent. Well I decided last night that didn’t feel authentic and if I want to accomplish anything with my blog, it’s to connect with my readers and show them who I really am.

Last week I had a miscarriage. Man, it feels so weird to even type that.

It was still early in my pregnancy (five weeks), so thankfully I didn’t experience much pain or prolonged physical affects from losing this pregnancy. The emotional side of things has rocked my world a bit more. While I’m sad to have lost this pregnancy, I am more upset about the fact that I feel like I’ve lost my ability to have confidence in my health.

If you remember, I posted awhile ago that I’ve been preparing my body for this pregnancy for many months now. I had my bloodwork tested, addressed nutritional deficiencies I had and honestly felt great going into this pregnancy, so I was shocked when it ended in miscarriage. I felt really embarrassed too, because my confidence going in prompted me to tell a lot of friends and family that I was pregnant, only to have to recant a few days later.

Thankfully, my tribe has rallied to help support me by watching Lila, cooking meals and allowing me to just BE with my feelings about all this. I’ve had some good ugly cries and feel like I’m coming out of my sadness bit by bit.

On the health side, I know I have MTHFR already and I also know this genetic mutation causes repeat miscarriage in many women, so I’m pushing my doctor to be as aggressive as possible to investigate to see if I have any known issues that could cause more miscarriages, like low progesterone, clotting or something else. I know that is could have just been a fluke thing that would’ve happened regardless of MTHFR, but I want to cover my bases so I never have to go through this again.

I’m sorry if my writing about this makes any of you uncomfortable. I know the “norm” is to keep things like miscarriage private, but I realized that just isn’t me. I like to connect with people through shared joys and sorrows, and felt like opening this part of myself up to you.

Thank you for letting me share both my happy times and my sad times with you.

 

16 thoughts on “Tough Time

  1. Liz, while we don’t know each other in common place, I can assure you that by you speaking of your loss, you are helping others and yourself. Having a miscarriage is painful… beyond belief for those who have never experienced it. I too lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks, 13 years ago – It seems so long ago but just like yesterday. You are be a beautiful woman who is blessed with a daughter and more children to come – believe this and be strong. Smile and know that you will get through this. I promise you.
    “An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth”.

  2. Pingback: Looking Up | A Batty Life

  3. Sending positive energy to you and your family. I have so much respect for you and your openness as I am sure it will help others and it showcases your ability to be real. I hope everything turns around for you soon.

  4. @Dawn, @AsiMomNextDoor thank you so much for sharing and supporting me!

    @Jen thank you for sharing what you do to treat your MTHFR. I am going to work with an RE to see if I have clotting that needs something beyond baby aspirin. Also having my Methylation pathway mapped with Dr. Roberts of HeartFixer.com. I hope I get some answers.

  5. A. Laura – wow, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. Even after all these years, I can tell it affected you. I agree, it’s both good and bad that medicine these days lets us know so much more about why miscarriages happen. It is still a huge question mark in so many cases as well, which is frustrating. I hope we find some answers.

  6. Dear Liz,
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are able to share this with others and get support from them. I know what you are going through. Over twenty years ago, I too lost a baby. Back then, people didn’t really talk about miscarriages. I am not even sure if my sisters and brothers knew. I returned to work after a few days and received hugs from the two other people who knew about my sad news. After that it was pretty much business as usual.
    Some things were harder then, like going to the maternity ward for my D & C and my wondering if they could have just missed the heartbeat since the technology wasn’t that good. Some things were easier. Even though I felt my body had failed me, I eventually had to accept that it wasn’t meant to be. There really weren’t many things I could do at that stage, that would hopefully shed some light on what happened, why, and if it would happen again. I had to accept it wasn’t God’s plan. I think it is much, much harder in today’s world to be missing some of the most important information in your life.
    My next pregnancy resulted in my son, who wouldn’t be here without the loss of the other baby. Now, I can’t imagine my life without my son. Take time to grieve. I will keep you in my prayers.

  7. Oh Mama. I am so sorry for your sweet loss. It’s so heartbreaking. I also love your honesty in sharing this because it’s so raw and organic and you have written about it in a beautiful way. My heart and thoughts are with you and you are such a strong mama for that awesome family of yours!

  8. I also have MTHFR as well as other clotting disorders. I take a baby aspirin a day until I get pregnant and then I take blood thinner injections once I get pregnant and I also take folgaurd (high doses of b vitamins). Just thought I would share. I think if I only had MTHFR, I would take a baby aspirin and folgaurd everyday. Prayers for you and your loss!

  9. I totally understand that embarrassment. We told friends and family at 6 weeks and lost that pregnancy. Then the next. Finally with the third we slowly told a few people here and there once we started hearing a heartbeat. That one worked out. Luckily, everyone was very kind and understanding (except particular high school students, but that’s another ballpark.)

  10. You are not alone my dear. Every one experiences loss of some type and it is difficult to face head on, like you are doing. It is brave and strong mama who does so and allows others to hold her up when she is down.

    For me, I had my cries and then came to terms with it by knowing that the body knows if the fetus is healthy and safe to continue growing. It will be a different reason for everyone. <3 ((Hug))

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