Sorry I’ve been missing here lately. We’ve been going through a tough few weeks. I really try to keep my perspective here on my blog positive and uplifting, so when I’m struggling, I find I end up just being silent. Well I decided last night that didn’t feel authentic and if I want to accomplish anything with my blog, it’s to connect with my readers and show them who I really am.

Last week I had a miscarriage. Man, it feels so weird to even type that.

It was still early in my pregnancy (five weeks), so thankfully I didn’t experience much pain or prolonged physical affects from losing this pregnancy. The emotional side of things has rocked my world a bit more. While I’m sad to have lost this pregnancy, I am more upset about the fact that I feel like I’ve lost my ability to have confidence in my health.

If you remember, I posted awhile ago that I’ve been preparing my body for this pregnancy for many months now. I had my bloodwork tested, addressed nutritional deficiencies I had and honestly felt great going into this pregnancy, so I was shocked when it ended in miscarriage. I felt really embarrassed too, because my confidence going in prompted me to tell a lot of friends and family that I was pregnant, only to have to recant a few days later.

Thankfully, my tribe has rallied to help support me by watching Lila, cooking meals and allowing me to just BE with my feelings about all this. I’ve had some good ugly cries and feel like I’m coming out of my sadness bit by bit.

On the health side, I know I have MTHFR already and I also know this genetic mutation causes repeat miscarriage in many women, so I’m pushing my doctor to be as aggressive as possible to investigate to see if I have any known issues that could cause more miscarriages, like low progesterone, clotting or something else. I know that is could have just been a fluke thing that would’ve happened regardless of MTHFR, but I want to cover my bases so I never have to go through this again.

I’m sorry if my writing about this makes any of you uncomfortable. I know the “norm” is to keep things like miscarriage private, but I realized that just isn’t me. I like to connect with people through shared joys and sorrows, and felt like opening this part of myself up to you.

Thank you for letting me share both my happy times and my sad times with you.