Category Archives: Kids

Lessons Learned

Posted in Kids, Liz's Life by

The decision to stay home with Lila was one of the hardest I’ve faced in my life. I think mainly because I am just programmed to be an achiever and although all the “facts” made it clear staying home was the best move for our family right now, my ego had a hard time letting go of my 9-5.

See this was this decision right in the middle of the time when the debates about women in the workplace were going on. Books like “Lean In” were getting press and Marissa Mayer became CEO at Yahoo (and immediately revoked the work from home benefit). I felt like the more I read about the subject the more pressure I felt to keep working lest I be labeled someone who sold herself short.

Right when I was in the throes of sorting through this decision, a friend of mine gave me a book to read that hit right at the heart of my dilemma. The book is called “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” by noted Ted Talker Brene Brown.

The title itself immediately struck me. Yes. This is SO me.

I’m not sure if it’s just who I am naturally, but I tend to tie a lot of my self-worth into my achievements and namely how other perceive those achievements.

Do I have a “cool” job? Do I live in an “exotic” place? Do I have it “all together?” What am I doing that’s “unique” and “special?”

These were all questions I thought about when making big decisions. In fact, I often thought about them more than whether those decision would make me happy or were good for my family.

As I read the book, I began to realize that behind all those questions was really just my ego. My desire to be admired or to be special in some way. It’s sort of like how so many in my generation want to be famous or a CEO by age 30. The never-ending quest for greatness … but at what cost?

I began to understand that a lot of my anxiety about quitting my job to stay home with Lila was about my fear of what other’s perception would be of me. Wouldn’t I suddenly be so ordinary if I quit my “cool job” in the ski industry to be a stay at home mom? Not to mention moving from beautiful Lake Tahoe to the suburbs of Reno, NV.

But my “ah-ha” moment came when I decided that I wasn’t going to measure myself based on other’s opinions. Instead I was going to focus on what made sense for me and my family. And with our commutes and Luke’s travel, that undoubtedly was to stay home with Lila.

And you know what? When I shared my decision publicly, all the feedback I received was the opposite of what I feared. People told me they admired my courage and were proud of me. My fear of how I’d be perceived couldn’t have been more off.

I feel like I’ve grown so much since becoming a mom and I am happy to say that although this decision to stay home has been agonizing at times, I have come out on the other side learning some important lessons: that I am “enough” just being me. That If my happiness is tied to what others think, it’s always a losing game. And finally to let go of who I “think” I should be and just love who I am right now.

Because I’ve got it pretty darn good.

In the Car with Lila

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

This weekend we drove to the Bay Area to visit my sister’s family. It was so nice to spend some time celebrating Easter around people we love. The weekend was filled with a trip to the farmer’s market, mass at the opera house, an Easter egg hunt at the park and finally a lovely brunch at my sister’s home.

Lila had so much fun being around her big cousin Mabel. She just kept looking at her with such adoration.

Around 3:45 on Sunday it was time to say goodbye and start the four+ hour drive home (depending on how many times we stop for Lila). I wasn’t looking forward to being in the car at all. About ten minutes into the drive, we hit traffic, that slowly turned into complete gridlock. Ugh.

Right about that same time Lila had a big poop, so while the traffic was at a standstill, I jumped into the backseat and changed her diaper right there in my lap. I was wiping her down when I looked out the window and a truck was right next to us, able to see everything going on in our backseat. Thankfully the driver smiled and looked away. We had a good laugh about that one.

With Lila all strapped back in her carseat, I jungle-gym climbed back into the front seat to settle in. We were in gridlock traffic for another hour and a half before we finally started moving. The whole time in traffic Lila was just staring intently at herself in the mirror we set up on the back seat so we can see her in the front mirror. Seriously for about an hour straight every time we looked back, she was just staring at herself with a blank face on. We cracked up every time we looked at her!

About three hours into our drive, I stopped to nurse her. We walked her around outside at a park to get her some fresh air, but all too soon we had to strap her back into her carseat. She didn’t like that AT ALL. Little sweetie was crying and complaining for about ten minutes when I got the idea to put on some children’s music on Pandora.

As soon as Journey’s “Open Arms” lullaby version started playing, girlfriend was ENTHRALLED. The crying stopped immediately. I guess she has a penchant for Journey just like her momma.

For the next 1.5 hours we shuffled through all sorts of baby music and assessed Lila’s preferences. She would smile and listen intently to anything with a xylophone (gag!) or children singing. She would squawk her disapproval for any slow lullaby or anything with an older man singing. We were thoroughly entertained.

That night after 5 1/2 hours on the road, we got home and tucked Lila into bed. I realized that what normally would have been a miserable day stuck in the car drudging through traffic, turned out to be five hours of smiling and laughing all because of our little girl.

I find that these days I can be happy doing the most mundane, even unenjoyable things, just as long as my baby is with me.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend!

Traveling Man

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life, Married Life by

Text from Luke:

“It’s not looking good for me to get on the earlier flight. On standby, but the flight is full. My original flight is delayed 1.5 hours.”

Luke has taken on a new role at his company, which means he is traveling much more than before. It started in January of this year and so far he’s gone to Mexico six times. His travel is not glamorous either. Three flights, customs, a car ride to end up at a gold mine in the heart of Mexico. One time recently the house he stayed in didn’t have heat!

This week was the first time that he’s been gone, I’ve been working full time and Lila has been in childcare during the day. Essentially, my first go-round managing a house, baby and work on my own. I realized this week just how much Luke does to keep our life running!

Cue to this morning. Wake up at 5:30 am to crying baby – feed baby – put baby back down – shower – make coffee and pack lunch – wash baby bottles and pumping gear – pack baby bag – get dressed/makeup – feed baby again – diaper and dress baby – pack up car – take trash to curb – load baby – drive to work – drop baby at daycare – make it to work at 8 …. 10 minutes late.

On a typical day, Luke will usually cover making the coffee, packing my lunch, taking the trash out, changing Lila’s diaper, washing the bottles and such …. okay so basically he does everything while I feed the baby and get myself ready.

I have a massive amount of respect for all you single moms out there.

Beyond the day to day, having Luke gone takes away an element of comfort and relaxation to our home. I have a really hard time sleeping in a big empty house and constantly spook myself with noises. Lila also hasn’t slept as well, waking up at 5 am two days in a row. Probably because I made her sleep in our room so I wouldn’t get so scared!

I also feel really bad for him when he misses things with Lila’s development. Last night she rolled over for the first time and thankfully I was able to capture it on camera so Luke could see. I know not being home for her milestones is really tough on him.

As much as I miss him when he’s away, I know everything Luke does is for me and Lila. To provide for us and secure us a financial future free of worry and stress. We’re lucky he has such a great job and with a company that values family too. Tomorrow for example, he gets to work from home and can spend all day with Lila.

Luke gets home tonight and I cannot wait. I’m going to have a clean house, steak, big kiss from me and snuggles from Lila waiting for him. Just in time too. A new text came through:

“My flight is back on time. I can’t wait to see you both tonight.”

Me either, honey.

Our Experience with Daycare vs. Nanny

Posted in Lila, Liz's Life by

This was Lila’s first full week in child care now that Luke’s mom is back home in Indiana. My transition back to work was made SO much easier by having her here to watch Lila for 2.5 weeks. Honestly, if you’re looking for a gift to give a new mom, offer to watch her child that first week back to work. (Thank you Felicia!!)

So we have been agonizing over what to do with Lila while I’m at work. I work 35 minutes away from home and Luke’s commute is 45 minutes the opposite direction. Which means when we have a full day of work, we can go up to 10 hours being apart from her. Man those days hurt.

The two options we were weighing are either daycare by my office or a nanny in our house. Both have their pros and cons. Daycare near work means I could go nurse her over lunch, but then she’d also be in the car a lot and Luke would have no way to pick her up or drop her off if I’m traveling. Plus she’d get much less one-on-one attention and those daycare germs are scary.

A nanny would provide one on one care in a familiar environment, but would nearly break our budget and I’d have no option to see her during the day. We eventually landed on a hybrid of the two. M-W-F with the nanny and Tu-Th at daycare.

This Monday we left her with the nanny and both had tears in our eyes as we said goodbye. Poor Lila looked so confused. Thankfully, her day went well and our nanny sent us a lot of pictures. Lila was ALL smiles when we came home and was a happy girl that evening.

The next day was the first day at daycare. Lila was one of four babies in the baby room and I’m not going to lie, it was a hectic environment. When I went back to nurse her around lunch, the teacher told me she hadn’t slept yet. I guess because of SIDS regulations, she had to sleep out in the main room vs. the quiet room. Well that room had three other crying babies (teething) and music playing, so there was no way Lila was going to get any rest. When I got her at the end of the day, the poor thing looked like a zombie. Soooo tired and it turns out, overfed. They fed her five times vs. three!

I felt horrible for her. She slept the moment we got in the car and didn’t really wake up until 7am the next morning. My mommy instincts were going off. Daycare didn’t seem to be a good option for her. But I felt slightly hysterical for nixing daycare after just one day. I took to Facebook to get some opinions from other moms and what they had to say was so valuable.

– “I would talk to them and give them another chance. 1 bad day doesn’t mean that Lila won’t get used to being a daycare. I think it takes time for babies to adjust to a different environment and schedule. Good luck! Hope it gets better”

– “I don’t have kids yet but I already know we will do a nanny. And I’ve worked at day cares and would still do a nanny. Best of luck figuring one out. And PS: I LOVE reading your blog!”

– “My only advice is to go with your gut, maybe not tonight, because everything about today is so fresh. But, if something feels right or wrong to you, then it likely is.”

– “Liz – we had a similar experience with daycare at first — but after the first week and some growing pains, it got so much better. It has been SO good for Charlotte — she’s socialized, happy and very go-with-the-flow. Give it a week or 2 — and speak up, be picky — even drop in unexpectedly . . . in my experience — it’s worth it.”

– “Liz, if you can afford the nanny, make her stay full time. Lila can stay in her comfort zone with being at home and on her own schedule. With my three girls I found that that is very important in the first year. When they can walk and talk, it is so much easier to find a daycare where they can play with other kids…and they can tell you if they feel unhappy about something. And that is a big plus. I wasn’t always sure about daycare and a couple of things that happened there, but when the kids are happy and have friends and like the place you will be able to accept these things. All the best for you and Lila.”

I have some smart mommy friends, huh?

After sleeping on it, we decided to try another day at daycare – mainly because our nanny wasn’t available and there would only be one other baby on Thursday. I’m glad we did because she had a GREAT day on Thursday. She took all three naps, ate the right amount and I was able to nurse her in person a couple times. We also got some playing in.

Lila’s daycare teacher also took her outside for some fresh air, which I appreciated. That night our happy girl was back and my instincts were at peace.

For now, we are going to give daycare some more time. I feel slightly selfish, but it really helps me cope with being away from her when I have the option to visit two days a week. 10 hours apart from my baby is too much!!

I’ll keep you all posted on what becomes our permanent situation, but for now, a mix between daycare and a nanny seems to work.