Category Archives: Kids

Our Experience with Daycare vs. Nanny

Posted in Lila, Liz's Life by

This was Lila’s first full week in child care now that Luke’s mom is back home in Indiana. My transition back to work was made SO much easier by having her here to watch Lila for 2.5 weeks. Honestly, if you’re looking for a gift to give a new mom, offer to watch her child that first week back to work. (Thank you Felicia!!)

So we have been agonizing over what to do with Lila while I’m at work. I work 35 minutes away from home and Luke’s commute is 45 minutes the opposite direction. Which means when we have a full day of work, we can go up to 10 hours being apart from her. Man those days hurt.

The two options we were weighing are either daycare by my office or a nanny in our house. Both have their pros and cons. Daycare near work means I could go nurse her over lunch, but then she’d also be in the car a lot and Luke would have no way to pick her up or drop her off if I’m traveling. Plus she’d get much less one-on-one attention and those daycare germs are scary.

A nanny would provide one on one care in a familiar environment, but would nearly break our budget and I’d have no option to see her during the day. We eventually landed on a hybrid of the two. M-W-F with the nanny and Tu-Th at daycare.

This Monday we left her with the nanny and both had tears in our eyes as we said goodbye. Poor Lila looked so confused. Thankfully, her day went well and our nanny sent us a lot of pictures. Lila was ALL smiles when we came home and was a happy girl that evening.

The next day was the first day at daycare. Lila was one of four babies in the baby room and I’m not going to lie, it was a hectic environment. When I went back to nurse her around lunch, the teacher told me she hadn’t slept yet. I guess because of SIDS regulations, she had to sleep out in the main room vs. the quiet room. Well that room had three other crying babies (teething) and music playing, so there was no way Lila was going to get any rest. When I got her at the end of the day, the poor thing looked like a zombie. Soooo tired and it turns out, overfed. They fed her five times vs. three!

I felt horrible for her. She slept the moment we got in the car and didn’t really wake up until 7am the next morning. My mommy instincts were going off. Daycare didn’t seem to be a good option for her. But I felt slightly hysterical for nixing daycare after just one day. I took to Facebook to get some opinions from other moms and what they had to say was so valuable.

– “I would talk to them and give them another chance. 1 bad day doesn’t mean that Lila won’t get used to being a daycare. I think it takes time for babies to adjust to a different environment and schedule. Good luck! Hope it gets better”

– “I don’t have kids yet but I already know we will do a nanny. And I’ve worked at day cares and would still do a nanny. Best of luck figuring one out. And PS: I LOVE reading your blog!”

– “My only advice is to go with your gut, maybe not tonight, because everything about today is so fresh. But, if something feels right or wrong to you, then it likely is.”

– “Liz – we had a similar experience with daycare at first — but after the first week and some growing pains, it got so much better. It has been SO good for Charlotte — she’s socialized, happy and very go-with-the-flow. Give it a week or 2 — and speak up, be picky — even drop in unexpectedly . . . in my experience — it’s worth it.”

– “Liz, if you can afford the nanny, make her stay full time. Lila can stay in her comfort zone with being at home and on her own schedule. With my three girls I found that that is very important in the first year. When they can walk and talk, it is so much easier to find a daycare where they can play with other kids…and they can tell you if they feel unhappy about something. And that is a big plus. I wasn’t always sure about daycare and a couple of things that happened there, but when the kids are happy and have friends and like the place you will be able to accept these things. All the best for you and Lila.”

I have some smart mommy friends, huh?

After sleeping on it, we decided to try another day at daycare – mainly because our nanny wasn’t available and there would only be one other baby on Thursday. I’m glad we did because she had a GREAT day on Thursday. She took all three naps, ate the right amount and I was able to nurse her in person a couple times. We also got some playing in.

Lila’s daycare teacher also took her outside for some fresh air, which I appreciated. That night our happy girl was back and my instincts were at peace.

For now, we are going to give daycare some more time. I feel slightly selfish, but it really helps me cope with being away from her when I have the option to visit two days a week. 10 hours apart from my baby is too much!!

I’ll keep you all posted on what becomes our permanent situation, but for now, a mix between daycare and a nanny seems to work.

Dear Lila – You’re 3 Months!

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Dear Lila,

Believe it or not, you are three months old now. Time has gone very quickly and you’ve kept us entertained the entire time. Here are some things I want to remember about you at this age.

You love kicking your legs up and down and up and down all day long. You get them really high. Daddy marvels at how strong your stomach muscles must be. When we get you in the morning, we are usually treated to your high kicks in your crib.

In the past week you’ve become determined to roll over from your back to your front. You swing those legs up high, twist your little hips and dig your face into the blanket. Sadly your attempts at rolling have been futile thus far, which makes you VERY angry and frustrated. I think it will be any down now though. You are a determined little thing.

You love having your feet played with and whenever your toes come in contact with something, you quickly curl them around whatever it is, like you’re grabbing onto it. It makes us laugh when you “hold” one of our fingers with your toes.

In general, you prefer not having any clothes or socks on. You LOVE getting your diaper changed. Especially when we play with your legs like a bicycle during the process. You can be in the middle of a crying fit and as soon as we take your legs out of your sleeper, you are all smiles.

I think you’re going to be an over-achiever like your mom and dad because for a good month and a half now you’ve been sleeping 9-11 hours straight each night. People who know that I am a new mom ask me if I’m getting any sleep and I always proudly say you are an excellent sleeper.

We’re not sure yet if you like bath time or not. Right now you mostly seem perplexed by it. We gave you a bath last night and you kept dipping your toes in and out of the water stream. And when I poured water on you with a bucket, you followed my movements very intently but never did crack a smile.

Usually you are a pretty independent baby. You don’t like to be fussed with too much and are content to play on your blanket. When you get fussy though, you like to be held. But it must be in a specific way – we have to hold you in an upright position, while standing and moving. The moment we sit down, even if we’re still rocking you, you start squawking. Yet you’re quiet as soon as we stand up. It makes us laugh so hard.

Daddy and I tease each other about who loves you more. The truth is we’re both completely enamored with you. We’re always saying to ourselves that we have the most beautiful, smartest and sweetest baby alive.

You’ve already changed so much in three months and every day you are discovering new things. I can’t wait to see who you will become. Shy, dramatic, thoughtful, funny …. no matter who you end up being, we will love you with all our hearts.

Love,

Mom

The Ten Best Parts of Maternity Leave

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Earlier today I wrote a blog post about how this is the last week of my maternity leave. It mainly focused on how anxious I am about returning to work and the worries and sadness I feel about leaving Lila.

Shortly after posting it I decided to delete it. It just felt too “woe is me” and depressing, when in actuality I am incredibly blessed and should be grateful. I have a healthy, beautiful baby girl, I have a job I love and I had three full months to spend with my little love. Not much there I should be upset about.

That’s what I love about blogging. Just when I get mired down by my negative feelings, writing forces me to take a step back and put things into perspective. I like to think of my blog as my public gratitude journal.

So while I will admit leaving my girl to go back to work is going to be tough at first, I am choosing to focus on the many wonderful moments I’ve been lucky enough to experience the past three months.

Ten Best Parts of Maternity Leave:

1. Time to Bond. Three months is a great amount of time to be able to spent with Lila. All the time we’ve spent together nursing, playing, rocking, talking and exploring the world has helped me feel bonded to her completely. I can tell she feels securely attached to this world and to her mommy and daddy.

2. Quiet Moments. Just a few minutes ago, Lila feel asleep nursing in my arms. She laid against my stomach like a little hot coal, breathing deeply for 15 minutes before waking up wanting to go to her crib to nap. Those sweet, silent moments are some of the best.

3. Setting a Routine. Just in the past few weeks, I feel like we’ve really fallen into a good routine. Lila has been sleeping 8 hours or more for about two weeks straight. She naps well, nurses great and is comfortable playing on her own. I feel like she’s to the point where she’ll acclimate and do well in daycare.

4. Learning how to parent. I think one of the most important parts of maternity leave is learning how to be a mother. There are so many little things you have to learn how to do, like clipping little nails, that can only  come with practice, practice, practice. Maternity leave has allowed me the time to feel like I am a good mom.

5. Smiles. The first smile and every smile thereafter are definitely the highlight of my time home with Lila.

6. Connecting with other Moms. During the past three months I have been able to meet and get to know several other moms in my community. Working doesn’t always allow me to spend time forging new friendships, so it’s been great having this time to connect with some other new moms.

7. Going Back to Sleep. So I know maternity leave is all about NOT getting enough sleep, but I absolutely love the feeling when you wake up early, tired, yet you know that you can go back to sleep later. Usually, Lila will go down quickly after her first morning feeding and I get another two hours of sleep.

8. Time to relax. While a lot of work, newborns also like to sleep a lot, which means mom has time alone to relax. For me this time was spent watching Parenthood from season one to now and also reading several books.

9. Gaining perspective. Ultimately, many new moms have a dilemma to face … go back to work or be a stay at home mom. For me, the three months at home gave me great perspective on this decision. While I have mad amounts of respect for SAHM’s, I realized that for me, working brings me a lot of fulfillment, self-confidence and balance.

10. Daily outings. While on leave, I’ve tried to do one outing a day. Today it was getting coffee and walking for two hours with another mom here in town. I’ll miss being able to do something fun in the middle of the day with Lila once I’m working.

I am so very grateful for the past three months home with Lila. I know those first days back to work may come with some tears, but I feel lucky to have the best of both worlds – time to love my baby and a career that makes me feel good about myself.

Other working moms – I’m curious, how did you deal with the transition back to work?

Good Mom Bad Mom

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

So far motherhood has been a teeter totter between feeling like I’ve got it together to feeling completely inept.

Last week was a good example. We drove four hours to San Francisco to see my parents who were in from Ohio staying with my sister. Lila did great in the car and was a happy, calm baby the whole first day. That night though, I think all the change of routine caught up with her and she was up fussing every 2 hours, which is very rare for her.

The next day I was totally exhausted, but excited for the evening. We were going out to a brazilian steakhouse for my dad’s birthday and it was the first night out without baby. My sister had arranged a great baby sitter from my niece’s daycare and I had pumped and brought along a bottle to leave with her.

About a half hour before the babysitter was to arrive, I took the bottle out of the refrigerator to bring it to room temperature. And it was completely rancid. Apparently there are a lot of rules about storing breast milk that I had no clue about, so when I transported it in the car four hours and then re-cooled it, it turned the milk sour.

I felt like such a loser as a mother. How did I not know this about breastmilk? What was my baby supposed to eat while I was out??

Totally defeated, I told everyone I would just stay home from dinner. But my sister jumped in and put together a game plan that involved a last minute feeding and supplementing with some of her frozen milk. Part of me felt guilty that I had to give her someone else’s milk, but frankly, I needed a night out.

I think Lila can tell when I’m feeling down about my abilities as a mother, because as soon as I feel pretty low, she will have a great few days. Sure enough, when we got back from dinner, the report from the babysitter was that Lila slept like an angel the whole time. And for the next four nights she slept eight hours or more!

It’s so true when people say motherhood is the greatest and hardest thing you’ll ever do. I have never second-guessed myself as much as I have during these first few months of Lila’s life. I’m constantly worrying that I’m doing it all wrong.

Deep down I know I’m doing the best I can and that I’d have to work pretty hard to mess her up too much at this age. I think the stress just comes from the crazy amount of love I feel for her. I love her so much that I want the absolute best for her. I want to give her MY best.

Because she deserves it.