Fear of Uncertainty

Posted in Liz's Life by

I have a confession: I really don’t like trying new things. I mean I usually end up liking something new, but beforehand, I hate that nervous, anxious feeling that comes with uncertainty.

Take tonight for example. I am playing in a volleyball game as part of a new league I joined. I haven’t played in five years and I don’t know a single person on my team, so I’m sort of terrified of totally embarrassing myself.

What if I’m so out of shape from pregnancy that I can’t keep up? What if I’m a total outsider among these groups of established friends? What if someone spikes a ball and it hits my face and busts my recently operated-on nose (my doc gave me clearance to play if I “am smart”)?

All these fears are running through my head currently and part of me wishes I could just bail out, hide at home and do what I am familiar and comfortable with.

But a bigger part of me knows that playing volleyball is something I once loved to do. And that I need to do some things just for myself for a change. And that maybe I’ll meet some new friends. And find a new way to get fit that doesn’t involve mindless hours at the gym.

So I’m forcing myself to face the uncertainty and go.

I’ve had this sort of challenge many times in my life – sometimes big “should I quit my job to try to freelance?” and sometimes small “should I call that new friend and ask her to hang out?”  – and I always try to err on the side of putting myself out there and at least trying. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but I feel like I usually come out on the other side feeling more confident.

The truth is life would probably be easier if I just avoided uncertain situations, but it would probably also be void of growth and development, and one of my personal values is to never stop learning. About the world. About myself. About life.

So while I can’t stand the way my palms will sweat when I walk into the gym tonight, I am always looking forward to seeing where this challenge takes me.

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Missing Mommy

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Recovering from sinus surgery has not been enjoyable to say the least. I got home the Friday before Labor Day from surgery and was pretty out of it for the rest of the weekend. I bled quite a bit and until they took the splints out, pretty much couldn’t breathe out of my nose. Not fun.

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During my recovery weekend, Luke was pretty much sole caregiver for Lila. He also took on the role of being my nurse, so he was pretty busy. I knew it might be a bit of a shock for Lila that I suddenly wasn’t with her as much and had a bandage across my face, but I wasn’t really expecting her to notice too much.

Well once again I underestimated my little girl and how perceptive she is of her world. She did alright with just her dad (plus some nursing visits with mom) for most the weekend, but come Sunday, she had had enough. When she woke up from her afternoon nap and saw that daddy, not mommy, was getting her once again, she lost it.

I could hear her wailing from my room while Luke tried to calm her down. She never cries waking up from a nap, so this was odd. I came out a few minutes later and thought she just wanted some milk. I tried to get her to nurse, but she was not having it. She kept hitting me and arching her back.

I was starting to feel helpless when I remembered something I’ve learned from researching RIE parenting – that sometimes kids just need to express their sad, angry or other negative feelings with our loving presence and nothing more. I decided to just hold her and let her get her tears out without trying to stop her from feeling upset. She sobbed in my arms for a good half hour, throwing her head back and slamming her arms down, before calming down.

When she quieted and rested her head against my chest, I told her “It’s okay to be sad because I haven’t been around as much. I know it’s scary for you to see me hurting. I’ll be better soon and will always be here for you.” I know she probably didn’t understand all of what I was saying, but getting her emotions out and hearing the validation from me seemed to resolve her anxiety.

I spent the afternoon sitting on the couch while she played nearby, giving her smiles when she’d look over at me. She sat in my lap quite a bit too and just wanting to be near me.

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It’s been about a week and a half since surgery and I’m much, much better. I can breathe easier, there’s no more bleeding and I’m just a bit congested. Lila is doing better too. Things are back to normal in her world, which means she gets all the mommy time she wants.

If you’re interested in RIE parenting, I’d suggest checking out these blogs:

http://www.janetlansbury.com/

http://www.regardingbaby.org/

http://tongonto.com/

http://peacefulparentsconfidentkids.wordpress.com/

 

A Laborious Labor Day

Posted in Liz's Life by

Tomorrow I am getting sinus surgery. For as long as I can remember I haven’t been able to breathe out of my nose, so I finally decided to do something about that. I went to an ENT and sure enough I have hardly any open nasal passageway due to a deviated septum and bone cyst.

The squiggly on the right is my septum and the blob on the left is the bone cyst.

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I’m looking forward to finally being able to breathe like a normal person. I hate that I mouth-breathe. It makes my gums inflamed, my mouth dry all night and it’s just not all that attractive to have your mouth open all the dang time.

I am NOT looking forward to surgery though. The whole being put to sleep thing really freaks me out and I’m not excited about the recovery. My doctor said I should be mostly healed within a week, but those first few days I’ll be pretty swollen. It’s also going to be stressful for Luke taking on the role of full-time caregiver for a baby and a big baby (recovering wife).

It’s sort of a bummer that our long weekend will be spent focusing on my recovery vs doing something fun, but I guess it gives us a good excuse to escape the smoke that’s been hovering over Reno for the past week and a half. Lucky us, we’re in direct line from the American Fire smoke drifting over from Yosemite, so we’ve been cooped up inside.

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Here’s what our normally pretty view now looks like:

rim fire smoke in Reno

 

I’m hoping that by Monday I’ll be feeling better and the smoke will clear out so we can enjoy one last day at our pool. I’m not ready for summer to be over!!

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How are you spending your Labor Day weekend?

My Baby Weight Journey

Posted in Kids, Liz's Life by

I gained 36 lbs during my pregnancy with Lila. The average is 25 lbs, so I definitely exceeded that. I wasn’t too worried about it at the time because it appeared the weight was mainly in my belly and chest, so I figured once I gave birth, I’d lose it all easily.

Once she made her arrival – just a tiny 6 lbs 9 oz – I lost 15 lbs immediately. I naively thought “oh great, I’ll be back to my normal clothes soon.” Well after that initial 15 lb loss, I didn’t lose any more weight for five months. Not a lb! I was carrying an extra 21 lbs, I was still in maternity clothes and generally felt pretty down about my body.

I was confused because I thought at the very least I would lose SOME weight gradually – especially since I eat a very clean, Paleo diet and was active – but it seemed my metabolism was at a complete standstill. I felt like I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it (let alone blog about it) because I still was considered to be thin. And I know, no one wants to hear a skinny girl talk about her weight issues.

I started researching everything I could about post-pregnancy weight loss online and soon found information about thyroid issues many women experience post-partum. Hypothyroidism runs in my family, so it made sense. So did the symptoms: exhaustion, hair loss, night sweats and an inability to lose weight. Ding, ding, ding!

Instead of getting on some expensive and risky thyroid medication, I decided to try just taking iodine and selenium supplements. And wow! As soon as I started supplementing, the weight began to come off. Within two months, I had lost 13 lbs and was now just 8 lbs off my pre-pregnancy weight.

Fast forward to now. I’m still holding onto those 8 lbs and I am pretty sure they won’t be budging until two things happen 1) I stop nursing and 2) I start working out. I plan to nurse Lila to a year, so there’s nothing I can do about that right now. As far as working out goes, I was trying to get by on taking hikes, walking and being outside, but I don’t think that’s cutting it.

We joined a gym this week and I went to my first Zumba class last night. It was so fun, but also completely embarrassing. Let’s just say I realized I don’t have a Latin bone in my body. lol. When I got home, Luke was like “WHOA! Someone’s face is red!” Yeah, this momma is officially out of shape.

I’d be lying if I said losing the weight was just something I wanted to do for my health. That’s a big part of it, but I also just want to look good. :) I want to be able to wear my old clothes and feel like a youthful, fit woman vs a mom.

I know it’s all a work in progress, so I’m trying to be kind to myself. In reality, my body will probably never be quite the same. And that’s okay. I still think it’s done some pretty amazing things.

Pre-Pregnancy:

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9 Mos Pregnant:

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1 week Post Partum

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9 Mos Post Partum (taken today before the gym)

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