Recently a single friend of mine updated me on her love life. She told me that she met a guy she liked a lot but he was “only 25” so she thought he wasn’t worth pursuing. She’s 29 and looking for a serious relationship.
I urged her to not base her judge the guy just on his age alone. Point in case…
Prior to meeting Luke, I dated a guy who was around 30. You’d think being older he’d be more serious. Wrong! He was all about playing games and stringing me along.
Then came Luke who was 25 at the time and infinitely more mature and committed than any other older guy I’d dated.
So based on my own experiences and the dating lives of friends I’ve witnessed, here are some things I suggested my friend pay more attention to regarding this new guy and the likelihood he would take their relationship seriously.
1. His friends are in committed relationships. In my experience, guys tend to follow the pack. If his friends are single, it’s unlikely he’s going to be the first to settle down. However, if most are already in serious relationships or better yet married, he’ll feel the pressure to find his own lady love.
2. He’s from a small town. This sort of goes with number one, but I’ve found that guys who are from smallish towns tend to be raised in an environment where his peers settle down earlier, while city-raised guys are likely more in line with the whole “wait as long as possible to get settle down” approach.
3. He has a well-kept place. I’ve found that if a guy lives in a place you wouldn’t mind calling home, then he’s more likely to be serious about your relationship. If he’s still living with 4+ roommates and his room smells like his armpit, I doubt he’s mature enough to be your dream guy.
4. He’s not cheap. If the guy urges you to get “the special” on your date, then he’s likely not thinking about how he can impress you. More likely he’s thinking – “how can I spend as little as possible on this date and still get what I want out of it?” Plus – if marriage is in your plan, a ring costs money!
5. The marriages in his family are happy ones. If a guy has watched his parents or a siblings marriage disintegrate and get nasty, it’s likely he’ll have a jaded view of settling down.
6. He talks about your future. Guys who are freaked by the idea of commitment tend to avoid talking about the future of your relationship much beyond 2 weeks out. If he’s thinking about committing to you, it’s likely he’ll often talk about your future together.
7. He’s not in bro-mode. If he’s still going out every night with his troupe of buddies and has FOMO (fear of missing out) on every event the guys are doing, he’s likely not in relationship mode. Ideally, you want a guy who has a large group of friends, but is okay with forgoing the partying to spend time 1-on-1 with you.
8. He takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night. This sort of goes with #7, but if the guy takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night then he’s made it clear finding the right woman is a priority in his life. Relegated to Tuesday/Wednesday night dates? It’s likely he doesn’t want to miss out on a night with his buddies to explore a relationship.
9. He has hobbies outside of work. If a guy is totally consumed with his career and climbing the ladder, he’s probably not thinking about spending time in a relationship. I’ve found that if he has a lot of passions outside of his career, then he typically wants to have a well-rounded life, which may include a relationship with you.
At the end of the day, I wanted to make sure my friend gave this “younger guy” a shot. In my experience, age is just one factor that can tell you how serious a guy will be about your relationship.
Of course this is totally based solely on my own experiences, so if you disagree, I’m interested to hear your POV. Anything you’d add to this list?