The “TWO’s” have hit our household and they’ve taken our sweet girl on quite a roller coaster ride.

It seems one minute she’s up – smiling, giggling, dancing – and the next she’s bawling her eyes out. It hasn’t helped that the dreaded two-year molars have made their first white swollen appearance under her gums as well.

I’m just starting my journey into parenting an almost two-year-old, but already I have one “trick” in my bag. I call it the reset. Here’s a story to illustrate.

Most nights Lila will go to sleep around 7:15 without a peep. We do her bedtime routine, sing Twinkle Twinkle next to her bed and she says “Nigh Nigh!” and falls asleep. Last night was not “most nights.” After being agitated all through her bedtime routine, we put Lila in her crib and said goodnight.

She cried and cried for a bit, so daddy went in to soothe her. More books, one more Twinkle Twinkle, then back to bed. I took a shower and when I got out she was still crying .. this time the pitiful sobbing type of cry. I wrapped my head in a towel, put on my robe and got my little girl out of her bed.

“You’re having a hard time resting your body, huh? Do you need a reset?”

“YEEEEAAAAHHHH!” hiccup hiccup.

I carried my little ball of whimpers out of her room and down to the basement, where we watched 10 minutes of my favorite dancing show “So You Think You Can Dance.” We figured out in that time that Lila was TOO HOT! in her long sleeve footed jammies, so we took them off. She sat still in my lap (!!!!) and watched the dancers move across the screen.

When the commercial came on, I said “okay baby, our reset is over, let’s go back to your room.” I sang her one last Twinkle Twinkle and went to lay her in her bed. And wouldn’t you know it? She looked up and said “thank you!” before burying her head in her mattress.

Ha! I got a thank you from my toddler at bedtime. The power of a reset is strong I guess.

I find myself using this reset tactic often these days. It’s like when things get too overwhelming for her for some reason, we’ll just take a step back and let the pressure of that situation diffuse before trying again.

I’ve realized lately that I too am in a reset period. We are patiently waiting for my hormone levels to return to normal (I still have elevated hcg), so I can get back into a cycle. I cannot run any of the tests I want that will help show if the miscarriage was just normal or caused by an underlying issue until this happens.

At first I felt extremely frustrated by all the waiting I had to do. It’s hard not to feel like you’re “falling behind” the plan you have for your family when you have a miscarriage. It brings up a lot of questions, stress and worry. But after thinking about how well a reset works for Lila when she’s upset, I’ve realized that maybe I should think of this time as my own reset. A space for me to emotionally heal from my miscarriage and get back to feeling healthy again. Looking at this waiting period as a reset, has helped the pressure dissolve.

One of the best parts of being a parent is when these little realizations happen. When you notice that just when you think you’re the one helping your child learn, it ends up they’re teaching you about life right at the same time.

So lately I’ve been trying on a new parenting approach. I guess you could call it somewhat permissive, lax, free-flowing – all scary words in the world of parenting, I know!

It came about after reading this blog post from Janet Lansbury about the power of acknowledging our child’s perspective. It got me thinking about what Lila’s world must feel like. She has about 20 words, but can’t yet communicate all she wants. She is starting to flex her independent spirit, yet still wants on hand firmly planted around my finger. She is learning about the world with an insatiable curiosity, but doesn’t know it’s limits yet.

Sounds like a pretty confusing and frustrating place to be, right?

I decided to take a few days to really hone in on my observation skills to see what was causing her frustration and how I could help. I watched her in her play and interactions with people – especially with her main care-giver, me. It became clear rather quickly that her moments of big frustration were usually after being told “no,” or having something taken away, or not being able to do something she wants. Pretty normal.

But I also noticed that I was saying no to her a lot (not the actual word, but the intention). “We’re not going to do bubbles right now, I’m folding laundry” “I can’t let you play with my makeup, it will make a mess.” “Please don’t put your hands in the dirt.” “Don’t pick that up off the ground, that’s yucky.” In fact, when I thought back on one ten minute period, I had essentially told her “no” eight different times. Eep!

I realized too that while many of my “no’s” were totally necessary, others were more MY opinion or desire for how I thought our day should go and weren’t necessarily needed. I mean there really isn’t a reason I can’t put the laundry aside for a minute to blow bubbles out on the deck, right?

I decided to start giving Lila as many “yeses” as I could. As long as it wasn’t something that could be a safety issue or be so annoying as to make me lose my cool, then I am trying to go with it. And so far, my quest to say yes has taken us on some fun adventures.

You want to take your shoes off and put your feet in the lake? You want to taste the sand? OK!

Sure, you can try eating your smoothie yourself with a spoon. It’ll make a mess, but that’s ok.

You want to try climbing this ladder by yourself? Let’s go for it. (she made it to the top on the first try!)

Running in the dirt? Why not!

I think having more yes in her life has helped Lila deal better with the necessary nos. Giving her a little more control over her decisions, actions and feelings has cut down on her frustrations while also building her confidence as a little decision-maker.

And it’s also taught me a good lesson … how to look on the bright side and be open to the “yes” moments in life.