Category Archives: Lila

Flying Solo

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Last week Luke had to go on an extended work trip to Mexico, so Lila and I decided to make the trip back to the midwest to visit both my and Luke’s families. It was an ambitious undertaking for one parent, but one I felt was worth it to get some time with family.

They were loooong travel days – one four-hour flight, a three-hour layover and then another one-hour flight, but Lila did really well on both legs. On the way there we were lucky to get a whole row to ourselves, so she could crawl around, and on the way back, we sat with another mom and her baby, so they entertained each other. During our layovers I let her do lots of crawling around at the O’Hare Airport Children’s Museum. She also took some good naps.

Screen Shot 2013-10-01 at 9.45.43 AM Screen Shot 2013-10-01 at 9.45.30 AMWhen we finally arrived at my parent’s house in Ohio, I was ready for a break! I was expecting to be able to enlist my parent’s help watching her so I could clean up and rest, but Lila wasn’t having it. She clung to me and cried whenever I walked out of the room or someone else held her.

This separation/stranger anxiety continued throughout the week and only got slightly better when I was completely unavailable to her, like when Luke’s mom took her for a walk while I was doing some work calls in my room.

While I have to admit it was exhausting and at times frustrating to not get a break much of the week, I can’t say I really blame her. A three hour time change, whole new environment and lots of new people would set any 10 month old into an anxious state. On top of that, she cut two teeth while we were there!

Plus it was pretty sweet how her whole face would light up, arms would flap and she’s crawl over to me every time I entered a room.

The only part that made me sort of sad though, was that our families – whom we don’t get to see often – didn’t get to experience the sweet, independent, outgoing Lila I know. I really wanted them to see who she is and for Lila to feel comfortable around the people who love her most.

I guess that will just take some time. My job now is to support her and help her build trust in her autonomy. I have no doubts she’ll outgrow her anxiety and learn to feel secure that Mommy and Daddy will always return.

And even though she struggled at times, we still managed to make lots of sweet memories with my family in Ohio and Luke’s in Indiana. Here are some photos from the trip, starting with our visit to Luke’s parent’s house in Indiana and then some with my family and Lila’s cousins in Ohio.

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Nothing makes me happier than being with the people I love. And seeing how much they love Lila brings a smile to my face. Even though a cross-country solo trip with a clingy babe isn’t always fun, it’s worth it so Lila understands just special her family is.

Special thanks to my brother Nick, brother-in-law Mike and MIL Felicia for snapping a lot of these photos while I was busy holding Lila!

Missing Mommy

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Recovering from sinus surgery has not been enjoyable to say the least. I got home the Friday before Labor Day from surgery and was pretty out of it for the rest of the weekend. I bled quite a bit and until they took the splints out, pretty much couldn’t breathe out of my nose. Not fun.

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During my recovery weekend, Luke was pretty much sole caregiver for Lila. He also took on the role of being my nurse, so he was pretty busy. I knew it might be a bit of a shock for Lila that I suddenly wasn’t with her as much and had a bandage across my face, but I wasn’t really expecting her to notice too much.

Well once again I underestimated my little girl and how perceptive she is of her world. She did alright with just her dad (plus some nursing visits with mom) for most the weekend, but come Sunday, she had had enough. When she woke up from her afternoon nap and saw that daddy, not mommy, was getting her once again, she lost it.

I could hear her wailing from my room while Luke tried to calm her down. She never cries waking up from a nap, so this was odd. I came out a few minutes later and thought she just wanted some milk. I tried to get her to nurse, but she was not having it. She kept hitting me and arching her back.

I was starting to feel helpless when I remembered something I’ve learned from researching RIE parenting – that sometimes kids just need to express their sad, angry or other negative feelings with our loving presence and nothing more. I decided to just hold her and let her get her tears out without trying to stop her from feeling upset. She sobbed in my arms for a good half hour, throwing her head back and slamming her arms down, before calming down.

When she quieted and rested her head against my chest, I told her “It’s okay to be sad because I haven’t been around as much. I know it’s scary for you to see me hurting. I’ll be better soon and will always be here for you.” I know she probably didn’t understand all of what I was saying, but getting her emotions out and hearing the validation from me seemed to resolve her anxiety.

I spent the afternoon sitting on the couch while she played nearby, giving her smiles when she’d look over at me. She sat in my lap quite a bit too and just wanting to be near me.

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It’s been about a week and a half since surgery and I’m much, much better. I can breathe easier, there’s no more bleeding and I’m just a bit congested. Lila is doing better too. Things are back to normal in her world, which means she gets all the mommy time she wants.

If you’re interested in RIE parenting, I’d suggest checking out these blogs:

http://www.janetlansbury.com/

http://www.regardingbaby.org/

http://tongonto.com/

http://peacefulparentsconfidentkids.wordpress.com/

 

Dear Lila: You’re Nine Months Old!

Posted in Kids, Lila by

Dear Lila AKA Bitty, Bug, Buggy and Boo Boo,

Yesterday you turned nine months old, and I have to say I love you at this age so much. You are able to be more independent with your crawling and climbing, but also still need your mommy and daddy a lot. I have a feeling your development is about to take off, so for now I am relishing your last “pre-mobile” months.

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Here’s what you’re up to right now…

You are working really hard at your crawling and pulling up on stuff. The other day at Gymboree, you crawled up a pretty steep slide inch by inch grunting as you went along. You made it to the top and looked so pleased with yourself. It makes me laugh though because when you are climbing, you dig your two big toes in for leverage and don’t use any other part of your foot. You must have strong toes!

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Speaking of Gymboree, I’m pretty sure it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you because as soon as we walk in you start flapping your arms and squealing with glee. Throughout the class you are crawling all over the place, interacting with the other kids and of course, chewing on everything you can get your hands on.

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You really enjoy eating, but want to do everything yourself. No being fed by mommy or daddy! I’m not surprised as you’ve always been an independent one. We started doing Baby Led Weaning with you, which allows you to feed yourself chunks of soft food vs being spoon-fed purees.

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We also got you your own little table to eat at so you have more freedom. I wasn’t sure how this would work out, but so far it’s going great and you’ll sit at your table and eat and eat and eat for 20 minutes or more. When you’re all done, you simply push your table away. Your favorite foods right now include any meats, cheese and blueberries.

Here you are eating outside on our deck, which I fashioned into your own little play space.

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You’re really into your books lately. Especially “10 Little Ladybugs” and “Pat the Bunny.” You will crawl over to your books, pull one out and play with it on the floor for 45 minutes or more. When your dad or I read to you in your chair, it’s one of the few times you’ll sit still long enough for a snuggle or two.

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Daddy and I pretty much live to hear your giggles and will do anything we can do get a belly laugh out of you. This weekend we played a game of “human fooseball” and gave you some belly blows, both of which cracked you up.

While we have to work a little to get a laugh out of you, you make us laugh all the time. The other day I took you to a playdate and there was a power wheels tractor there. It’s meant for a much older kid, but after you kept crawling over to it, I decided to let you sit in it.

Well, you had another idea altogether. You stood up, lifted your bottom off the seat, grabbed the handle bars and pressed the button to drive the tractor forward! Me and all the other moms were laughing so hard at you because the whole time you had a completely stoic, serious face on, like you meant business. I wish I had a picture or video of that moment.

Everyone comments on how pretty your eyes are. They are a deep, bright blue. Almost the color of blue jeans. Since you’re getting close to a year, I’m hoping those baby blues stick around and don’t change. You are going to break some hearts with those eyes I suspect.

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Lila, you bring so much joy and happiness to our lives. One flash of your smile will make my whole day. I feel so lucky to get to spend my time with you. There’s truly no place else I’d rather be.

Love you to pieces,

Mommy

 

Quietly Observing

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

When I first had Lila, I felt pressure to be actively engaged with her when she was awake. I’d talk to her. Sing to her. Move her body. But it all felt forced and unnatural. And it was exhausting us both.

A few months in I was researching parenting styles and came across RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers). I read up a bit and instantly really liked the approach. I’ll write about it more another time, but basically the jist is respecting your baby as a whole person who is capable on their own.

One of the main elements of RIE is to provide your baby with opportunities to play independently without much interference or guidance from mom or dad. They say the best thing you can do is to observe your child in play. Provide a loving presence, but don’t direct a la “the circle block goes in this hole not that one” etc.

Well this has turned out to be one of my favorite things to do with Lila. And it’s removed all the pressure I felt to be “always on.”

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The morning is usually when she does her best independent play. I will set her on the floor with some simple toys and she will go to town for a good hour or so. I will make myself a latte and sit quietly with my back leaning against the couch watching her.

Every now and then she’ll look up at me and I’ll give her a smile, but I’m careful not to “show” her how to play with something or talk to her too much. I don’t want to break her concentration on what she’s doing. Because after all – play is how babies learn.

This morning she crawled over to her basket of books and got one out. This book had a hole through the pages that she was enthralled with. For a 45 mins she flipped that book around. Opened and shut pages. Put her fist through the hole. Banged the whole book on the floor. And of course, chewed on the edges.

The joy that she got from discovering one book was awesome. And it was so rewarding to just watch her explore her world while sipping my coffee. I feel like in those moments I get a window into her world and her budding personality.

This form of parenting might come off as lazy to some. Especially in a world of mandarin classes for two-year-olds. But I subscribe to the notion that parenting should be enjoyable. Not something that leaves us exhausted and constantly worrying if we’re doing enough. And there are few things I enjoy more than having a slow morning watching my girl absorbed in her play.