The Downside of Weaning

When Lila turned one, we officially began the process of weaning. At that point she was still nursing five times a day, but thankfully took cows milk well. I began to slowly eliminate one feeding a week and replacing it with a bottle.

While pregnant with Lila, I wasn’t afraid of labor or delivery, or the changes to my body, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to nurse. I had heard a lot of horror stories and almost thought it was inevitable that I wouldn’t be able to do it. I am so grateful that we established a good feeding routine and went an entire year exclusively breastfeeding (with food of course).

But alas, after sharing my body with Lila during pregnancy and then a year of breastfeeding, I was ready to be done. Plus nursing Lila wasn’t really the blissed out experience many mothers talk about. She is not the type of baby to lie calmly in my arms, so there was a lot of kicking, trying to stand, arms flailing … lets just say it wasn’t all that relaxing.

After some hiccups in our weaning journey (a cold and three new molars), we are officially down to just morning and night. This week I am planning to drop the night feeding and then a couple weeks later, stop altogether.

I wish I could say weaning has been a positive experience for me, but the more I eliminate feedings, the worse I feel. I started getting daily headaches from 2pm – 4pm, I feel utterly exhausted most of the day, despite getting 8+ hours of sleep and I’ve had bouts of anxiety and sadness.

It took me awhile to connect the dots that this was related to weaning, but after doing some research, it turns out all these symptoms are a result of the change in hormones brought on by stopping breastfeeding. Specifically, the drop in oxytocin – the “love” hormone. Apparently, postpartum depression and weaning are closely linked – who knew?

I have good days and bad days. Today I would rate as a bad one. I got a sitter so I could do some client work, but instead I’m laying in bed moping. I’m hoping that once we’re totally done nursing, that everything will balance out quickly so I can get back to normal.

It makes me sort of sad that something I worked so hard at (breastfeeding) and brought so much good to Lila has to end on this negative note. But regardless of how I feel these next few months (and with future babies) I’m determined to look back on my breastfeeding days as a positive experience that got my little loves off to a great start.

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My Favorite Memory of 2013

Happy 2014 friends! We are finally back home in Reno settled in after two amazing weeks in Naples, Fl with my family. Our holidays were one of my favorite in recent memory and consisted of sun, pool, naps, good food, card games and special time spent with my family and Lila’s cousins.

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To see more photos from our trip, check out my Instagram feed. 

We spent New Year’s Eve at home since Lila was sick with a cold and we had just gotten home a few days before. I made a big fancy dinner of oysters, pork belly, roasted root vegetables and Paleo snickerdoodles. We were in bed by 9:30!

While we were eating dinner, Luke and I started talking about our favorite memories from the past year. There were SO many good ones – Lila’s birthday, starting my business as a consultant, special dates with my love, but when I was pressed to pick just one, I landed on an evening the three of us had at the beach in Florida.

We had decided to take a night with just our little family in downtown Naples. After browsing some shops, Luke suggested we walk the five blocks to the beach for sunset. We got there in the knick of time.

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As we were watching the sun go to bed (and Lila eat sand), we realized our little bug had never been in the ocean before. I walked her toward the shore to see how she’d react to the soft waves lapping the sand, and what ensued was one of those parenting moments you hold on to.

Seeing Lila squeal with delight every time a wave rushed toward her and then laugh hysterically when it whooshed back the other way was without a doubt the best memory of my year. In fact, I hope that evening our family of three spent in the orange glow of an ocean sunset will be imprinted in my mind forever.

What was your favorite memory from 2013?

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What it’s About For Me

Since becoming a mother, Christmas has taken on a new meaning for me. For the past two years, I find myself thinking of mother Mary often throughout the day.

I can’t imagine what she went through that night. Traveling by camel while laboring and giving birth in a manger surrounded by animals! You go Mary!

While her birth was slightly different than mine … we do share one moment. Like me, and every other mother in the world, this is the day long ago that Mary finally got to hold her sweet new baby. To smell his milky skin, press his warm body to hers and feel the absolute joy that comes with loving something with every bit of your heart.

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What a special moment that must have been for her.

I often wonder what Jesus was like as a baby or child. You don’t often hear about that portion of his life. Was he mischievous? Reserved? Did he adore his mother? Did he climb trees?

I also wonder about Mary. Did she get to cherish her role as a mother before her son set out into the world to change it forever?

I’m grateful for the shift of focus motherhood has given me around Christmas. Being able to connect to this sweet moment between mother and son has helped me break through the stress and clutter of the day and remember what it’s all about … the birth of a baby boy who would someday make his mother proud.

Merry Christmas!

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The Past Month

Yikes – has it really been almost a month since I’ve blogged? I try to keep this corner of my life updated at least once a week, but I guess after the busyness of the month of November, I just needed a mental break.

Lila’s birthday went well and I was able to keep it together for the most part. I didn’t shed a tear until the night of her birthday party after everyone had left. Its hard to put into words why I was crying exactly. I am overjoyed that she is healthy & happy, but there is a pang in my heart knowing she won’t be my little baby for much longer. Having her in my life has shown me just how quickly time can go by, which at times can be an overwhelming thought.

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I didn’t have much time to feel sad though, because soon Luke’s family was here for Thanksgiving. This is our third year in a row hosting, so we had things under control I like to think. The keys to a successful Thanksgiving? Planning and delegation. Thankfully Luke’s mom and sister are wonderful cooks and I have a hubby who is happy to do his part to host a good holiday.

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Since then, we’ve just tried to settle back into our routine for a few weeks. Lila and I have gone to Gymboree, the Discovery museum and to the mall for some Christmas shopping. On the weekends, we’ve mostly been lounging at home, enjoying each other’s company, while doing one excursion for fun.

Last weekend it was sledding with Lila. She loved it!

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Starting Tuesday, our hectic world picks back up again as we head to Florida for Christmas with my family. We will be Naples for two weeks. TWO WEEKS of sun, swimming and time together. I can’t wait to spend some down time with Luke. He’s been very busy at work, and so needs this break.

I love this time of year … packed schedules and all. There’s just something magical about twinkling lights, giving that perfect present and spending time with family.

Since I don’t have all your addresses, here’s our Christmas card. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season!

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