Category Archives: Liz’s Life

Things You Do Well

Posted in Liz's Life, Married Life by

Dear Luke,

This morning you seemed worn down. I asked you what was wrong and you told me (in so many words) that you “feel like you’re doing a lot of things, but none of them well.” I wanted you to know that I couldn’t disagree more.

You are the rock of our family and are what keeps our little train chugging happily along. I know sometimes it’s hard to realize what you’re bringing to the table when you’re the one living it, so I wanted to help by telling you a few things I think you do remarkably well.

1. You pretty much are the best husband I think a girl could ask for. You make me feel cherished and valued. When I need support, you are always there to listen, give me a hug or talk things out. And when I need space, you arrange your schedule so I can get away to spend time with a friend, play volleyball or just read in bed.

2. You are a wonderful father to Lila. She adores you – as is evident by her whines every time you walk away or have to leave for work. The best part is that you adore her right back. While some dads might grumble about working full time and doing part of the childcare, you approach it as if it’s a privilege to get to spend time with Lila.

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3. You are a kind, caring and thoughtful person. I am always amazed at how well you listen to other people and remember what’s important to them. Like the other night when I said we should get a friend a bottle of wine and you remembered exactly the type she liked from a certain winery based on a conversation you had over a year ago with her.

4. You make everyone around you healthier. Your dedication to nutrition and fitness rubs off on me, our families, friends and even co-workers. Because of you, I have lost 12 lbs since we first met, had a healthy pregnancy and am focused on my long-term health in a way I never was before.

5. You take pride in everything you do. Whether it’s your job, your interests, your family, pretty much anything you care about you take pride in. You never want to give less than your best, and your “best” is a really high bar to reach.

Sometimes this pride makes you frustrated that you can’t give 100% to being the perfect employee, or the perfect brother, or the perfect father, or the perfect husband, but what you don’t see is just the fact that you care and try so hard, means you’re already doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

I hope you know how proud I am to call you my husband. I appreciate all you do for us and even though you may feel like you can’t do everything you want to … just know that having your presence in our lives is everything we need in itself.

XO

Me

No Wrong Way

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

If there’s one thing I’ve learned so far about motherhood it’s that every baby is different and no one thing is a solution for EVERY baby.

Before Lila was born I did my research and felt strongly that I would “do” certain things as a mom. I was excited to wear her in a sling next to my body, have her sleep in a co-sleeper in between us and cuddle with her on the couch. Well none of that panned out the way I thought.

When I put her in my Moby Wrap, she immediately squirmed and screamed. When we had her in her co-sleeper in our bed, she awoke with every shift we made, leaving us all exhausted. When I tried to cuddle her, she pushed off me, eager to explore her world.

See, what I didn’t realize when I made my mommy plans was that Lila was not going to be some object for me to “do” things to and/or for. Rather she is her own person with her own desires, and she will definitely going to let me know what she liked and disliked!

I began to understand that my job was to toss out my preconceived notions about how to be a mother and instead observe Lila so I could learn about her, understand her and care for her in a way she liked. Once I started to do this, I stopped feeling frustrated that I couldn’t “get her” to do things the way I had planned and started enjoying the new directions she took me in.

Instead of wearing her in a wrap, I gave her freedom to explore her world on a blanket. Instead of having her sleep in our room, I enjoyed the restful nights sleep we all got once she was in her own crib. Instead of days spent cuddling, I watched with a smile as my curious girl inspected every little detail of her environment.

And the beauty in all this? The way we did it is not “the” way. It’s just what worked for us. It was how Lila taught me how to help her blossom. Some other baby may get this same confidence by being in a sling or sleeping next to his/her parents.

I guess the point of this post is to tell other moms that just because someone is adamant that their way is the best, it doesn’t mean it’s best for ALL babies and it certainly doesn’t mean you should feel guilty for doing something different. You know your children better than anyone, and once you give up on the quest to perfect parenting, you’ll be surprised at how clearly they are telling you what they needs.

They say being a parent is an adventure, and so far I’m loving the new discoveries I’m making each day about how to best be Lila’s mom.

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Flying Solo

Posted in Kids, Lila, Liz's Life by

Last week Luke had to go on an extended work trip to Mexico, so Lila and I decided to make the trip back to the midwest to visit both my and Luke’s families. It was an ambitious undertaking for one parent, but one I felt was worth it to get some time with family.

They were loooong travel days – one four-hour flight, a three-hour layover and then another one-hour flight, but Lila did really well on both legs. On the way there we were lucky to get a whole row to ourselves, so she could crawl around, and on the way back, we sat with another mom and her baby, so they entertained each other. During our layovers I let her do lots of crawling around at the O’Hare Airport Children’s Museum. She also took some good naps.

Screen Shot 2013-10-01 at 9.45.43 AM Screen Shot 2013-10-01 at 9.45.30 AMWhen we finally arrived at my parent’s house in Ohio, I was ready for a break! I was expecting to be able to enlist my parent’s help watching her so I could clean up and rest, but Lila wasn’t having it. She clung to me and cried whenever I walked out of the room or someone else held her.

This separation/stranger anxiety continued throughout the week and only got slightly better when I was completely unavailable to her, like when Luke’s mom took her for a walk while I was doing some work calls in my room.

While I have to admit it was exhausting and at times frustrating to not get a break much of the week, I can’t say I really blame her. A three hour time change, whole new environment and lots of new people would set any 10 month old into an anxious state. On top of that, she cut two teeth while we were there!

Plus it was pretty sweet how her whole face would light up, arms would flap and she’s crawl over to me every time I entered a room.

The only part that made me sort of sad though, was that our families – whom we don’t get to see often – didn’t get to experience the sweet, independent, outgoing Lila I know. I really wanted them to see who she is and for Lila to feel comfortable around the people who love her most.

I guess that will just take some time. My job now is to support her and help her build trust in her autonomy. I have no doubts she’ll outgrow her anxiety and learn to feel secure that Mommy and Daddy will always return.

And even though she struggled at times, we still managed to make lots of sweet memories with my family in Ohio and Luke’s in Indiana. Here are some photos from the trip, starting with our visit to Luke’s parent’s house in Indiana and then some with my family and Lila’s cousins in Ohio.

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Nothing makes me happier than being with the people I love. And seeing how much they love Lila brings a smile to my face. Even though a cross-country solo trip with a clingy babe isn’t always fun, it’s worth it so Lila understands just special her family is.

Special thanks to my brother Nick, brother-in-law Mike and MIL Felicia for snapping a lot of these photos while I was busy holding Lila!

Fear of Uncertainty

Posted in Liz's Life by

I have a confession: I really don’t like trying new things. I mean I usually end up liking something new, but beforehand, I hate that nervous, anxious feeling that comes with uncertainty.

Take tonight for example. I am playing in a volleyball game as part of a new league I joined. I haven’t played in five years and I don’t know a single person on my team, so I’m sort of terrified of totally embarrassing myself.

What if I’m so out of shape from pregnancy that I can’t keep up? What if I’m a total outsider among these groups of established friends? What if someone spikes a ball and it hits my face and busts my recently operated-on nose (my doc gave me clearance to play if I “am smart”)?

All these fears are running through my head currently and part of me wishes I could just bail out, hide at home and do what I am familiar and comfortable with.

But a bigger part of me knows that playing volleyball is something I once loved to do. And that I need to do some things just for myself for a change. And that maybe I’ll meet some new friends. And find a new way to get fit that doesn’t involve mindless hours at the gym.

So I’m forcing myself to face the uncertainty and go.

I’ve had this sort of challenge many times in my life – sometimes big “should I quit my job to try to freelance?” and sometimes small “should I call that new friend and ask her to hang out?”  – and I always try to err on the side of putting myself out there and at least trying. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, but I feel like I usually come out on the other side feeling more confident.

The truth is life would probably be easier if I just avoided uncertain situations, but it would probably also be void of growth and development, and one of my personal values is to never stop learning. About the world. About myself. About life.

So while I can’t stand the way my palms will sweat when I walk into the gym tonight, I am always looking forward to seeing where this challenge takes me.

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