Life As a Landlord Part Two

Last you heard about my adventures in being a landlord, I had just finished the scariest showing ever, which included smashed toy sharks.

Anyway, after a few nasty emails back and forth between my sister’s husband and “John,” it was clear the goodwill was gone.

Of course, a day later we got a call from another person wanting to see the apartment. We debated waiting to show the place until after John was moved out, but decided to try to prep the prospect to see if they could look past the smoke scent and collage of scantily clad women in hopes that a months rent wouldn’t be lost.

I met the two girls outside of the condo and gave them a little pep-talk.

“So we have an odd guy living in the place now. He just had surgery, so he will be there when we get there…and he smokes…inside….and he’s quite messy.”

I promised them that the place would be cleaned, fumigated, STARCHED…whatever it took to get John’s remnants washed away forever. I also gave them the added bonus of getting to choose the new paint colors.

I used my key to open the door to the condo and a woman with dreadlocks AND a DOG answered the door. “Uh, hi. We called John a few times today to let him know we’re showing the place. Is he here?” She told us she’d go talk to him and shut the door on us!

“I’m really sor”…I started to say to the girls when John appeared IN HIS TIGHTIE WHITIES. (this man clearly has no shame).

He let us know that he had “no idea” anyone was coming over, but that but “he guessed” we could look around as long as we were quiet because he was getting a CRANIAL MASSAGE in his living room.

Sure enough there was a massage bed set up where the mattress once was in the living room and the dreadlocked lady was all set to work her hippy magic on his head. So uncomfortable.

I hustled the girls through the apartment, trying to speak in a low voice so as to not interrupt the in-home spa session taking place in the living room. We made it to the master bedroom when I realized there was another girl there….in his bed.

Again. So awkward!

And confusing….this man is not attractive yet seems to have women on the mind and in his life all the time. Bizarro.

Despite the condition of the condo, seeing a strange man in his underwear and the overall uncomfortable 10 minutes, the girls seemed genuinely interested in the condo.

Please, for the love, I REALLY hope they rent it. I don’t think I can go back there and face John and his smashed toy shark (yup, its still there on the back deck) again!