Tag Archives: dating

8 Signs He Isn’t Afraid of Commitment

Posted in Liz's Life by

Recently a single friend of mine updated me on her love life. She told me that she met a guy she liked a lot but he was “only 25” so she thought he wasn’t worth pursuing. She’s  29 and looking for a serious relationship.

I urged her to not base her judge the guy just on his age alone. Point in case…

Prior to meeting Luke, I dated a guy who was around 30. You’d think being older he’d be more serious. Wrong! He was all about playing games and stringing me along.

Then came Luke who was 25 at the time and infinitely more mature and committed than any other older guy I’d dated.

So based on my own experiences and the dating lives of friends I’ve witnessed, here are some things I suggested my friend pay more attention to regarding this new guy and the likelihood he would take their relationship seriously.

1. His friends are in committed relationships. In my experience, guys tend to follow the pack. If his friends are single, it’s unlikely he’s going to be the first to settle down. However, if most are already in serious relationships or better yet married, he’ll feel the pressure to find his own lady love.

2. He’s from a small town. This sort of goes with number one, but I’ve found that guys who are from smallish towns tend to be raised in an environment where his peers settle down earlier, while city-raised guys are likely more in line with the whole “wait as long as possible to get settle down” approach.

3. He has a well-kept place. I’ve found that if a guy lives in a place you wouldn’t mind calling home, then he’s more likely to be serious about your relationship. If he’s still living with 4+ roommates and his room smells like his armpit, I doubt he’s mature enough to be your dream guy.

4. He’s not cheap. If the guy urges you to get “the special” on your date, then he’s likely not thinking about how he can impress you. More likely he’s thinking – “how can I spend as little as possible on this date and still get what I want out of it?” Plus – if marriage is in your plan, a ring costs money!

5. The marriages in his family are happy ones. If a guy has watched his parents or a siblings marriage disintegrate and get nasty, it’s likely he’ll have a jaded view of settling down.

6. He talks about your future. Guys who are freaked by the idea of commitment tend to avoid talking about the future of your relationship much beyond 2 weeks out. If he’s thinking about committing to you, it’s likely he’ll often talk about your future together.

7. He’s not in bro-mode. If he’s still going out every night with his troupe of buddies and has FOMO (fear of missing out) on every event the guys are doing, he’s likely not in relationship mode. Ideally, you want a guy who has a large group of friends, but is okay with forgoing the partying to spend time 1-on-1 with you.

8. He takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night. This sort of goes with #7, but if the guy takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night then he’s made it clear finding the right woman is a priority in his life. Relegated to Tuesday/Wednesday night dates? It’s likely he doesn’t want to miss out on a night with his buddies to explore a relationship.

9. He has hobbies outside of work. If a guy is totally consumed with his career and climbing the ladder, he’s probably not thinking about spending time in a relationship. I’ve found that if he has a lot of passions outside of his career, then he typically wants to have a well-rounded life, which may include a relationship with you.

At the end of the day, I wanted to make sure my friend gave this “younger guy” a shot. In my experience, age is just one factor that can tell you how serious a guy will be about your relationship.

Of course this is totally based solely on my own experiences, so if you disagree, I’m interested to hear your POV. Anything you’d add to this list?

The Right Way to Hit on a Girl

Posted in Daily Musings, Liz's Life by

Now that I’m married, I get to take a unique perspective to the dating game my single friends are playing. Whenever we go out, I get to sit back and watch them get hit on. Some guys do it great….others, not so much.

This weekend Luke had to work, so I had a lot of time to spend with my friends and witness the many awkward ways men in Chicago hit on them. I can appreciate how hard it can be for a guy to approach a pretty girl, but some of their tactics were just downright rude.

For example, on Friday night a guy was clearly checking out my tall, blonde friend. However, instead of talking to her, he hit on another girl in our group and did everything possible to make sure the one he was really interested in saw.

The little game he was playing was SO OBVIOUS it was sad…and incredibly rude to the girl who he ultimately ended up using for attention.

On the totally opposite scale, on Saturday while at the pool, my friend spotted a cute guy. They clearly were attracted to each other by the smiles and eye contact that ensued.

Instead of beating around the bush, the guy confidently came over to our group, approached my friend and said “Sorry if this is a little awkward, but I wanted to come introduce myself to you.”

A++!!

They exchanged numbers and the guy got two big thumbs up from our group of girls.

So guys, what’s the lesson here? You’ll likely get much farther with that pretty girl if you act normal, confident and NICE. There’s a time and place for game playing, but in general we see right through it.

Ladies- what’s the worst way you’ve ever been hit on? How would you like to be approached by a guy?

Is He Plus-One Worthy?

Posted in Dating, Love by

 When you hit a certain age it seems like all of the sudden EVERYONE starts getting engaged or married. If you’re single, that means navigating the ever-awkward situation of finding a suitable plus-one.

Luke and I had only been causally dating for three months before I was the maid-of-honor in my sister’s wedding. I remember fretting to friends and family about whether or not I should invite him to be my date.

Would he think I was jumping the gun by inviting him to such a special family event or would he be hurt if I decided to go alone? It didn’t help that just a few weeks before his cousin got married and he DIDN’T invite me.

I eventually decided to invite him for one reason- I thought I’d have more fun with him around. It ended up being a perfect choice because he was the ideal date: he got along with everyone, didn’t need to be babysat and was attentive to me.

Here’s a picture of us right after I gave my MOH speech.

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I was really nervous, but Luke was so sweet and kept rubbing my shoulders reassuring me that I’d do great. I wasn’t really surprised that he was a good date- he’d treated me so well from the beginning. 

Despite this WONDERFUL plus-one experience I had with Luke, I’ve also been in one that was not so pleasant. Previous to meeting Luke, I had dating a guy for 4-5 months when I got up the nerve to ask him to be my date to a benefit gala I helped plan.

He made up some excuse about already having plans to go see a “cover band” with his buddies the same night. Then when the night rolled around he ended up not even going to see the band because he “fell asleep.” LAME!

After realizing that A) he’d rather go see a cover band than spend the night with me and then B) it was all a big excuse in the first place, I was pretty  humiliated. Let’s just say the relationship ended soon thereafter.

So how do you know if the guy in your life is plus-one worthy? I’ve created a short checklist…

The plus-one worthy guy will:

– Call when he says he will and keeps plans

– Show an interest in things you’re involved in

– Make plans with you for events in the future (more than a week out)

– Put forth effort to get to know your friends and people important to you

The un-worthy guy will:

– Keep you feeling insecure by not calling when he says he will, not keeping plans and not living up to your expectations

– Only take you out during the week or won’t commit to anything on a weekend night until he knows there’s nothing better going on

– not seem interested in talking about your hobbies or interests if they don’t directly relate to him

– get two thumbs down from your pals because he doesn’t put forth any effort with them

So ladies, when your next wedding, holiday party or special event comes up, take a good look at the man in your life and evaluate his plus-one potential.

Leave some comments and let me know how YOU can tell if you’ve got a good plus-one.