Wanting It All

This weekend was a disapointing one. I was set to go home for my godson’s (my best friend’s son) baptism in my hometown of Toledo, Ohio. It was short trip, just Fri night – Mon am, but I was so excited to get just a few days with my family and best friend. I haven’t seen any of them since September.

Unfortunately snow in Chicago caused my flight to be cancelled on Friday and the earliest they could get me into Toledo was 11pm on Saturday night. Since I had to leave Monday, it just wasn’t going to work out. I decided to refund my money on the flight to use for another time when I can stay longer.

Driving away from the airport, I had tears in my eyes. Situations like this, when I am missing something important to the people I love because of distance, makes me feel terribly homesick.

I still haven’t figured out a way to balance the amazing lifestyle we have here in Tahoe with the distance it puts between us and the people we love.

On one hand I imagine us starting a family out here and not having anyone there for first birthdays or baptisms or summer days at the beach. That is so sad to me.

On the other hand I imagine life in Ohio and see jobs we aren’t excited about and a lifestyle that is missing on all the things we love to do like skiing, hiking, being on the lake etc.

I want it all and that is impossible it seems.

When I got home, I found Luke sitting on the couch by the fire. I curled up in his arms and told him about all the worries I was having. He let me talk it through and empathized with how I felt. I appreciated that he didn’t try to “find a solution” but instead just said:

“Babe – there’s just no way to know where life is going to take us right now. But I do know that life is about being happy and we’ll do whatever we need to do to feel that way. So let’s just see what happens and not worry too much about things down the line.”

Then we talked about how I could go home more often to see my family and to make sure I’m able to be there for special moments I don’t want to miss.

I love that just when I’m feeling sad and filled with worry, Luke is able to calm me down and help me see that nothing is permanent or binding. And that together we’ll figure it out.

I feel like having him by my side is going to mean that I will always be able to be happy no matter where we are.