While we were in San Francisco for Christmas, the topic of friendships came up. My sister told me that she talks to 3-4 of her friends at least once a week on the phone and 1-2 friends daily.
I immediately felt a little panicked. I only talk to my closest friends about once every month… if that. Does that mean my friendships aren’t as strong as my sisters? Did moving cause me to lose touch with my closest friends?
I’ve always valued my friendships very highly. Even in fourth grade I vehemently defended a “friend” to my parents when they said the girl wasn’t the nicest to me (she made fun of my clothes almost every day at school). For whatever reason I’ve always had this fierce loyalty to anyone I let into my inner circle.
I tend to keep my close friends to a small group. The whole “best friend” notion over a gaggle of girlfriends, I guess. I like to think I do whatever I can to support these best friends and make it a priority to be there for them. But I sometimes wonder if I do enough?
And even worse I catch myself wondering … do they hold our friendship in the same esteem I do?
Luke thinks I’m a little wacky for having these thoughts. In his world – you talk to friends when you do and when you don’t no one cares.
I sort of think this stress I put myself under in regard to friendships is part of the stress all women put on themselves to keep up every facet of life to pristine condition. Excellent career, excellent home, excellent marriage and yes, excellent friendships.
But I also know that I LOVE my friends. They mean so much to who I am. They know me inside and out. Some of my most fun times have been spent with them. And if I lost them from my life, I’d be so sad.
So I guess what I need to figure out (will you help?) is how to keep friendships strong when you’re living far away? Is there any standard for calling, writing etc that I should try to follow?
Merry Christmas everyone! We had a lovely holiday in San Francisco with my sister, her husband and their new baby.
Living far from most our family and working in an industry that doesn’t slow down over the holiday makes those special times when we can be with people we love during Christmas even more special.
I just couldn’t get enough of my new niece. Holding her, laughing at her little squeaks and experiencing a glimpse of what being a mom is like made this a Christmas to remember. I can’t wait until she’s older and we can start all the holiday traditions like putting cookies out for santa and seeing her eyes wide with glee when she realizes Santa came.
Anyway, here’s a quick recap on some of the best parts of our Christmas:
The Presents:
I couldn’t help but spoil little girl with some presents. First, this “baby’s first christmas” ornament I found on Etsy (this isn’t my nieces name, just an example).
Then a super cute New Year’s Eve outfit from Zara baby. They have the cutest kids clothing!
Luke got this super-cool duffle bag from J.Crew. I love the leather straps.
I got some PJ’s from Victoria’s Secret.
And new natural face lotion I’ve been eyeing.
Luke’s parent’s also got us this adorable entry way bench and storage unit for our new house!
We got totally spoiled this year.
The Food:
We had two awesome meals this weekend, but since my sister planned the menu, I don’t have recipes to share! One I did make sure to catch though was this amazing stuffed apple we had with our Ham on Sunday.
This is a Food Network recipe from the Nealys. Basically it’s a hollowed out apple filled with a mix of dried cherries, brown sugar, pecans and cinnamon. Then the apple is baked with some cider until it’s tender. It went PERFECTLY with the salty ham. I would definitely make these with pork anytime.
The Movies:
There’s nothing I enjoy more during Christmas than watching a good holiday movie on the couch after stuffing myself full. Normally it’s National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, but this year we decided to go with an oldie and watched White Christmas.
If you haven’t seen this one, it’s a classic. Bing Crosby. Supper clubs. A Ski Lodge. WWII soldiers. And some amazing singing and dancing. We couldn’t get over how small Vera Ellen’s waist was!
All in all it was a wonderful Christmas. Made even better by the lack of traffic on the way back to Tahoe.
I hope yours was filled with family, food, Christmas Carols and visits from St. Nick.
Recently a single friend of mine updated me on her love life. She told me that she met a guy she liked a lot but he was “only 25″ so she thought he wasn’t worth pursuing. She’s 29 and looking for a serious relationship.
I urged her to not base her judge the guy just on his age alone. Point in case…
Prior to meeting Luke, I dated a guy who was around 30. You’d think being older he’d be more serious. Wrong! He was all about playing games and stringing me along.
Then came Luke who was 25 at the time and infinitely more mature and committed than any other older guy I’d dated.
So based on my own experiences and the dating lives of friends I’ve witnessed, here are some things I suggested my friend pay more attention to regarding this new guy and the likelihood he would take their relationship seriously.
1. His friends are in committed relationships. In my experience, guys tend to follow the pack. If his friends are single, it’s unlikely he’s going to be the first to settle down. However, if most are already in serious relationships or better yet married, he’ll feel the pressure to find his own lady love.
2. He’s from a small town. This sort of goes with number one, but I’ve found that guys who are from smallish towns tend to be raised in an environment where his peers settle down earlier, while city-raised guys are likely more in line with the whole “wait as long as possible to get settle down” approach.
3. He has a well-kept place. I’ve found that if a guy lives in a place you wouldn’t mind calling home, then he’s more likely to be serious about your relationship. If he’s still living with 4+ roommates and his room smells like his armpit, I doubt he’s mature enough to be your dream guy.
4. He’s not cheap. If the guy urges you to get “the special” on your date, then he’s likely not thinking about how he can impress you. More likely he’s thinking – “how can I spend as little as possible on this date and still get what I want out of it?” Plus – if marriage is in your plan, a ring costs money!
5. The marriages in his family are happy ones. If a guy has watched his parents or a siblings marriage disintegrate and get nasty, it’s likely he’ll have a jaded view of settling down.
6. He talks about your future. Guys who are freaked by the idea of commitment tend to avoid talking about the future of your relationship much beyond 2 weeks out. If he’s thinking about committing to you, it’s likely he’ll often talk about your future together.
7. He’s not in bro-mode. If he’s still going out every night with his troupe of buddies and has FOMO (fear of missing out) on every event the guys are doing, he’s likely not in relationship mode. Ideally, you want a guy who has a large group of friends, but is okay with forgoing the partying to spend time 1-on-1 with you.
8. He takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night. This sort of goes with #7, but if the guy takes you out on a Friday or Saturday night then he’s made it clear finding the right woman is a priority in his life. Relegated to Tuesday/Wednesday night dates? It’s likely he doesn’t want to miss out on a night with his buddies to explore a relationship.
9. He has hobbies outside of work. If a guy is totally consumed with his career and climbing the ladder, he’s probably not thinking about spending time in a relationship. I’ve found that if he has a lot of passions outside of his career, then he typically wants to have a well-rounded life, which may include a relationship with you.
At the end of the day, I wanted to make sure my friend gave this “younger guy” a shot. In my experience, age is just one factor that can tell you how serious a guy will be about your relationship.
Of course this is totally based solely on my own experiences, so if you disagree, I’m interested to hear your POV. Anything you’d add to this list?
I saw this post come across my newsfeed in Facebook and sort of loved every single point it made.
“ 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself”
Here were my favorites:
Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done
Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
Definitely food for thought as we head into the new year…
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